The Big O-N-E

This whole year has gone by in a blur of what-the-crap-just-happened-to-me. All the things that people tell you about enjoying moments with your baby while they last, because they grow up so quickly? It's all true. Our baby isn't a baby anymore, she's a toddler. She toddles all around, all day long, getting into mischief.

Lacey's birthday was a few days ago. I thought I would try to post something right on her birthday, but I have spent a lot of time pondering what to say. How do I encapsulate the last year in a single blog post?

Starting a family was a scary step for me. I had always known that I wanted a family, but the idea of a family is a lot easier than, you know, HAVING an actual family. While I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time preparing myself for the worst-case-scenarios. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, colic, never having time to myself, changing poopy diapers... I thought a lot about those things, because I need to process and prepare myself for what life will be like in the worst case scenario. If the worst case scenario happens, then I can deal with it. And if the worst case scenario DOESN'T happen, then hooray for me! It's unfortunately a stressful way to live, always thinking about the worst thing that could happen, but it's the only way I know how.

Surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly), I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about the good things that would keep me going. And the truth is, I had no idea what to expect. Over the last 365 days, Lacey and I have come a long long way.

Me & Lacey - March 2016

Me & Lacey - March 2017

I have given a lot to my daughter in the last year. But Lacey has given me a lot too. I have learned many lessons about what I can and cannot control (that doesn't stop me from trying), I have discovered that baby smiles and giggles are the cure for a bad day. I have learned that being awake at 3am with a sick little person who trusts you to comfort them is not a worst case scenario. I understand first hand why people say that watching your kids develop is an amazing reward in of itself. Lacey is a little ball of energy and sunshine and life.

For all my reading and methodical preparation, nothing could have prepared me for Lacey's arrival. I can see now that being Lacey's mom will be an adventure of ups and downs. Our little family will get through them all together, just like we made our way through our first year together.

Happy First Birthday, Lacey!