Pokes and Peg Legs

I've never really thought of myself as someone with many maternal instincts. Being pretty much the youngest in my family and extended family, and never had much interaction with babies. When I was a teenager and I would babysit kids on my block, but they were always well past the baby phase. When friends or co-workers had babies, I would avoid having to hold them. In fact, I think I was either 22 or 23 when I held my first baby, and I distinctly remember my co-worker was horrified to learn that I had never held a baby, and thrust her son into my arms. And now when I do hold babies, I feel like they can feel my anxiety and are intuitively uneasy-- they know! They know I don't know what I'm doing!

Now, that being said, I've also always known that I wanted to have a family. But when you're 20, and thinking about your future that seems oh-so-far-away, it is easy to say that you want to have kids. You don't have to think too much about what that all really MEANS.

Well, I'm not 20 anymore, and I have thought long and hard about what having a family really means. And despite the fact that I'd previously never felt too many maternal instincts, the last 18 weeks have been a pleasant surprise for me.

At first the whole thing didn't really seem real. We saw the positive sign on the pee stick, and I felt elated, but I didn't really FEEL pregnant yet. Then we got confirmation from blood tests, and I realized, there really IS something little growing inside me-- something blueberry sized!

I was lucky in my first trimester. I didn't have any nausea or morning sickness. I was tired, and occasionally a little queasy, but otherwise, very lucky. So the blueberry grew into a raspberry, and into a kumquat. At 8 weeks we had a dating ultrasound, and could see a head and amorphous blob body, and the flicker of a heartbeat. At 12 weeks, the size of a lime, we had our first trimester screening, and saw how much more developed everything was. A spine, legs, hands, nasal bones, and so much movement!

Near the end of my 16th week, two weeks ago, Tom and I are were sitting in a theatre watching a movie, and I felt the first movements of our baby. The internet had told me it would feel like flutters, gas bubbles or popcorn popping. But it really felt like a little poke to me. It made me think of when a pet (a cat, or a little dog) walks over your lap and pokes you with their peg legs-- it was like that, but at a much smaller scale. I tried to get Tom to feel it, but it was too faint.

The next morning we were in the car heading to meet some friends for lunch, and I felt some pokes and peg legs again. I had a good cry.

How many women before me have carried children and felt those first pokes and prods? Millions?  Billions? There's something indescribable about the connection you feel with that little life that's growing, and moving, and undeniably a part of you. There have been plenty of milestones in these first weeks of pregnancy that have have made it seem more real, but nothing more than those first little movements. My maternal instincts are in full swing!

Tom  has been able to feel a few of the kicks in the last week, and earlier this week I got to hear the baby's heartbeat with Doppler. There is was, chugging along a 144 like a little freight train (a really little freight train).

On Tuesday we find out if it's a boy or girl! Hopefully the baby cooperates!

Tom + Amanda = 3

If you haven't already heard, come March 12, 2016, Tom and I will be welcoming a new addition to our family!

Meet... The Lime! Or at least, that's how big the baby was when we had our 12 week ultrasound on the first of September. At my current 17 weeks, the baby is the size of an onion, or about 5 inches long. 5 inches doesn't seem so big-- until you look at a ruler!

I will be the first to acknowledge that I was incredibly lucky during my first trimester. There were a few weeks where if I let my stomach get empty, I would start to feel a bit queasy, but I never experienced any real nausea or morning sickness. My energy levels have not been too bad-- I get tired in the evenings, and I have still be sleeping quite well. I haven't had any food aversions, but I do want to eat spaghetti and meatballs for EVERY meal.

For now, all is well. Will keep you posted!